I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize