my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
