I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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