i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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