In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
