Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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