I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
