the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
