hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Randomize
