i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
