they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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