jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
