8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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