It's Friday. Sex?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
