I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
