Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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