dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
