so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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