just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
