i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
