Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
