you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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