oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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