I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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