Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
