Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
