question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
