Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize