I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
