Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
