He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
