how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
