I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
