I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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