I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
