I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
your like the ambassador to my penis.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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