There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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