Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Randomize