oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
