How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize