There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize