i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize