I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
The convent might be a nice break from real life
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
