i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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