just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
