I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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