watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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