if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
a search helicopter?!
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
