It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Let's get the cat blown out
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
