North Korea, Best Korea!
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
