I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
