Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
