She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
