was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Is her dick bigger than yours?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
