I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
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