sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
