We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
