does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
as a side note pls kill me
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
