Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
