Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Best friends brother. Beat that.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I need to align my fucking chakras
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
