I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
