Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
