Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
