Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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