There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
