is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
