Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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